I'm Horrified, But Can't Look Away

I confess. I'm semi-hooked on watching the TV show Bridezilla. I'm not sure if it's that I feel like a voyeur watching the brides' vindictive rages that feed on themselves. Or whether it's watching the hapless victims take the abuse when all they have to do is walk away and it would be the bride who would suffer. Or whether it is the extreme self-centeredness and entirely frivolous and trivial issues the brides rant about to create the drama that fascinates me. Eventually I can't stand it anymore and turn it off...until the next time.

But here's what I do know. There's always a reaction for every action. Karmic retribution is real. Members of the wedding party start dropping out at the last minute when they've had enough of being treated like a slave, being humiliated, scolded and scorned. Family rifts are started that fester for decades. People start responding to the brides in-kind with the same level of meanness and disrespect.

But what is the opposite of a bridezilla? It is the thoughtful bride. How can you spot such a bride?

--Throughout the planning process, she solicited and incorporated her groom's preferences and suggestions, both large and small, whether they fit with her vision or not.

--She is genuinely thrilled that someone came to her wedding and doesn't care what present the guest brought, or even if they brought a gift at all.

--She privately and publicly thanks every person - parents, wedding party members, friends and wedding professionals - for contributing to making the day special with their love, their time and their talents.

--She is totally present when speaking to the grandest or the smallest guest. She is not offering a perfunctory "Thanks for coming." without even looking in their direction.

--She savors every moment. She takes time to whisper in her groom's ear how happy he has made her and that she will try to make him happy every day for the rest of their lives.

Of all the weddings we've witnessed, the thoughtful bride is what makes the most memorable wedding. And it doesn't cost a penny.